I Dedicated Myself to Finding Genuine Inner Peace and Self Love

I became more committed than ever to healing this year. I was so overwhelmed with the job I had at the time that gave me severe anxiety, I found out my chances of getting pregnant are less than five percent, and my husband unexpectedly had to deploy.

Depression was something I have dealt with, but this anxiety was an entirely new beast that I did not know how to handle. I just realized that as hard as I tried, I couldn't get better on my own. I sought medical help and also started a blog to share my journey. I thought writing would not only be therapeutic, but I can maybe touch others who are suffering from similar invisible illnesses. I want those who are suffering to know they are not alone.

How an Experimental Attitude Busted Me Out of the Death Lock between "Should" and "Want to"

Because I was experimenting, I let myself just go. This was so fun, and so novel, and so different than my normal stuck “what-should-I-do-with-my-time-but -I-don’t-want-to” inner turmoil that I was immediately hooked.

Somehow, without me noticing it, the war between “should” and “want to” dissolved inside of me. I just do things now. Because I get to do so many things that I want to, I don’t really mind doing the things I “should.”

Amber in Wonderland: A Whimsical Tea Party Reconnected Me to a Sense of Magic

When I spied a crafty mag at the drugstore, I picked it up. In its pages was a photo story about how to have a “whimsical tea party.” This tickled my fancy, and I was soon gathering supplies.

While shopping at Goodwill for a tea set, I ran into a creamer and a dish with a rose pattern on them that shocked me. It was the same pattern as my plastic tea set as a child! Suddenly, I remembered that I used to love having tea parties as a kid. I had completely forgotten about this.

An Inconvenient Awakening: It's Time to Step Up for Our Beautiful Home

On my trip home, I got to see some of my oldest, best friends. They have daughters now, a tiny new 12-week-old baby and a clever, magical 8-year-old. My heart stretched and stretched, trying to figure out how to even hold the upwelling of love I felt. I considered the lives they could live, all the possible futures that could come to be.

At night, my soul kept rolling a new question over and over: “What do I want to leave behind?”

The Right Something Is Out There: An Open Love Letter to My Depressed Friends

I want you to know that as all encompassing as your depression is, as long as it has haunted and tormented you, it still can change. With the right therapist, the right medication, the right changes, the right something. I don’t know what the right thing is for you. But I know it exists. It is out there. It is worth trying and trying and just barely showing up for another day in case that’s the day the right something comes along.

The Unique Terror of Creativity after Depression

I was afraid of spending time alone, in my mind, just me and my imagination. I didn't trust it. It was a relationship that needed serious repair. Like a beautiful, powerful horse that had ridden me off a cliff, we both felt skittish about being around each other again, let alone riding. All we could do is take it slow.

Sunrise on Molokai

I stand on the edge of a cliff overlooking the ocean, only heard, not seen, in the dark to watch the sunrise
As first light shows me the horizon and the curvature of the earth I realize the sun doesn't rise
The earth turns and carries me with it on its back up into the light.
I'm riding it right now and every single moment even when I'm not thinking about it
I can feel myself rising.

Woman Walking Strong: I Stopped Giving Way on the Sidewalk and Found My Power

I decided to experiment with what I thought of as "walking strong." It felt unfair to be constantly vigilant and pre-emptively moving out of people's way. My hypothesis was that holding my ground would be much less stressful. I walked as if in tadasana (mountain pose) and immediately felt more powerful.

On the sidewalk, I had a constant buzz of adrenaline, feeling like I was playing chicken with every person coming at me. I quickly noticed something…