I Dedicated Myself to Finding Genuine Inner Peace and Self Love
What was your hypothesis?
After struggling with anxiety and depression for over 5 years, I knew I had to do something different. I became more committed than ever to healing this year. I was so overwhelmed with the job I had at the time that gave me severe anxiety, I found out my chances of getting pregnant are less than five percent, and my husband unexpectedly had to deploy.
Depression was something I have dealt with, but this anxiety was an entirely new beast that I did not know how to handle. I also tried so, so hard to feel better on my own. I really would be proactive by working out, changing my eating habits and lifestyle, I would surround myself with positivity, read devotionals, pray constantly and so much more. I just realized that as hard as I tried, I couldn't get better on my own.
I knew I needed help. I sought medical help and also started a blog to share my journey. I thought writing would not only be therapeutic but I can maybe touch others who are suffering from similar invisible illnesses. I want those who are suffering to know they are not alone.
What does your experiment entail?
I went to see a psychiatrist and tried medication. I decided to get really vulnerable and create a blog to share my experience - the good and the bad. I'm also trying to find more spiritual ways to heal, because I don't want medication to be a permanent part of my life. I am learning more about crystals, malas, essential oils, meditation, yoga and mindfulness.
I try and feed my mind with as much positivity as possible. I read daily devotionals, listen to personal development books while I drive, I keep a gratitude journal, and I have a vision board. I'm really trying hard to find inner peace and self love.
What is it like?
I have always been scared to try medication because I don't want to become dependent on it. Also, trying to conceive, I really didn't want to take anything that may hinder my chances or harm the baby if I did get pregnant. But I realized, I need to take care of myself mind, body and spirit FIRST, that way I can be the best mom I can be if God blesses me with that miracle. I also felt like I was missing out on life, and I want more than anything to be present and enjoy all of the blessings I have.
It was scary to be so open and vulnerable on my blog. Sharing it with others made me feel so exposed. I don't know how I mustered up the courage to share my story on my blog. But I needed an outlet, and writing was very therapeutic. I always feel like a small weight has been lifted after I write.
I just truly feel like more people suffer from mental illness than most realize, and it's important to raise awareness and talk about these invisible illnesses. I know it comforts me to know I'm not alone and to see that there is hope by seeing the success of others. Even though I'm not better yet, I still want to share in hopes maybe I can reach even one person who feels like they can relate and know they are not alone. I want to share my ups and downs, what works and doesn't work for me--I want to share it all.
What are your results?
I'm still very much a work in progress. When I started to receive feedback and messages from people thanking me for sharing my story because they too suffer, it made me feel like even though I'm struggling, I can somehow make a difference. It's so empowering and encouraging to know my vulnerability can actually help others.
Thank you, Kristan, for sharing your story with us! If you want to share your story, simply fill out the form on the Submissions page. We'd love to hear from you.